How To Be You?

By Cecille V. De Guzman

‘Don’t ask yourself to change to be like someone else. You’ll end up being an impostor inside your own body’

As much as I love telling stories, sharing my own experiences or other people I know who have fascinating journey, my favorite ‘topic’ to talk and write about is personality. It is so diverse but explicit enough to understand, appreciate and accept.

A dictionary says, one of the definitions of ‘personality’ is the combination of characteristics or qualities that form an individual’s distinctive character.

Regardless how it is defined by google or Merriam-Webster, one thing I know is about individual differences. You’re distinctive character makes you the real ‘you’. What makes you cool? What makes up your insecurities? What causes your fear? What do you think you’re good at? What are your potentials? Your weakness and strength? How do you see yourself before you sleep or when you wake up in the morning? All questions can be asked to yourself, your own personality.

You are who you really are. Do you know yourself better or have you tried comparing yourself to others? Don’t even think about competition with other person’s ability or disability because everyone is completely different from one another.

Your at your best but others may be at their worst. You’re wearing a calm and proud face yet it doesn’t seem to rhyme inside because you’re full of insecurities and doubt on your own capabilities.

The first time I heard about ‘individual differences’ is during my college days. I took Psychology course for two years and had gone pretty absorbed with the wonders about behavioral science, anger management, goal orientation and  personality development. I love reading, too, so it kind compliment the fields that I took during college days. I was a news reporter and literary writer at ‘The Democrat’ (University’s official publication) since I was a freshman. I got few names in my head who taught me about complexity of one’s personality and the secret to ‘knowing yourself well’. My co-writers, mentors, advisers and counselors who helped me understand the questions I had about myself.

You can’t say that you know yourself so well if you’re too afraid to take a risk in your own decision. You can’t say ‘I can do it better next time’ if you’re still in doubt about yourself. You can’t win a fight if you don’t prepare yourself to lose. Your point of view describes the way you look things up. Your words mirror the kind of person hiding in the deepest darkest place of your safe-zone. Your thoughts reflect your actions. What kind of personality are you trying to build inside you right now? What influences you can be contagious to anyone get along. Be careful when you learn few steps because it may lead you astray without careful thinking, cautious analyzation of who you really are, what you really are – as a person. It is your personality, your perception, your views and opinion, your judgement and realization that makes you the real you.

There’s no such thing as ‘perfect personality’ but there can be ideal. We get inspiration from people who have vast experiences, positive values and thoughts about things. However, we are in-denial of our own imperfections sometimes. Too much longing to be somebody else when you can be someone like the ‘real you’. Before you think about ‘how to be someone else’ think about ‘how to be you’.

Learn to appreciate your lapses, accept your limitations and be subjective in making conclusion about yourself. It’s not a bad thing to deal with your incapability. It’s called fearlessness. You are brave enough to accept, appreciate and develop to overcome it along your way.

You can be influenced with positive vibes but never let yourself indulge in possessing one’s personality- it’s called a ‘copycat’.

Have your own unique way of dressing up, or talking, or walking and laughing. Authenticity is a trend. It never runs out of style. Being unique is different from being true to yourself. Knowing yourself means possessing the kind of personality that you’re comfortable with. You like rugged styles, you’re confident talking in public, you’re shy, you’re vocal, it’s okay, you’re fine. You can’t pretend to be someone else because it looks pretty cool.

You don’t need to accept the trend if it’s not really agreeable in your will. It’s like eating a cake but you really crave for a slice of pizza. You’ll end up longing for it’s savory taste. You’ll end up hungry because you’re not satisfied. The cake didn’t satiate your taste buds. It’s not what you’re craving for. It’s not what you really want.

It’s like filling your head with unknown thoughts, you won’t recognize somebody else’s beliefs, but you are fully aware where you stand. Your personality can be influenced but never it will change you to something ‘brand-new’.

One’s personality can be developed and cultivated but never fully-changed. It is healthy to admire an ideal personality but be authentic and unique in your own way. Don’t stumble and fall into comparison. Don’t ask yourself to change to be like someone else. You’ll end up being an impostor inside your own body. Before you ask ‘how to be you’ to somebody, ask yourself this question first.

How to be you?

Back Me Up, Dad!

By Cecille V. De Guzman

‘When mum is out, back me up Dad!’

I don’t want to take the limelight from Dads out there who are brave enough to take care of their little ones. They are man enough to show love and affection. They are good in changing diapers, sterilized feeding bottles, laundry warriors and superheros during fun, restless times.

In this modern set up where some women don’t need to stay at home to be called ‘mum’ and/or ‘wife’, I began to appreciate and look at my own household .

My husband takes care of our three-year old while I’m out in the office. He had to give up his little business and take in-charge in nurturing our child. There were opportunities along with furniture upholstery and carpentry where he assist my father-in-law without taking so much time away from our son. We both decided the importance of taking care of our son while he’s young. We know what’s best for him more than anyone else.

While I’m a working-mum, he feeds him in the morning with milk, oatmeal and crackers. I wouldn’t be this confident to leave my three-year old everyday if it’s not because of my husband. We both know what to teach him and we both know the ‘hows and whys’ and the ‘yes and nos’ when he wants something or when he laughs, when he cries.

He understands my son’s language when I seem not to figure it out. Dad seems to ‘know it all’ when he dives deeper than just doing necessary things versus taking time to learn so he can do it carefully and lovingly.

I believe that no one can nurture a child better than the child’s parents. A parent’s love is pure and balanced perfectly. There were carriers and guardians who can do this job properly but not equally and perfectly as mum and dad does.

There was a time when my son was nearly six months old when I left my job to take care of him while my husband was the one in-charged in our finances. I never regret every single moment I watched my son fall asleep and wake up in the morning wearing his toothless smile.

I gave all my heart and time when he was turning one. When it was time for me to step out, Dad back me up…

He’s expert in multitasking household chores and playing with our little one at the same time. He put in the clothes inside the dryer while there’s tiny little fingers wrapped around his neck. This kid is an orchid! He always want to be cuddled and carried by his dad.

There are times when I’m not in the mood to move around and our son turns to his dad. Mums do need to recharge sometimes. In times when I need to slow down, dad is there to keep things going. He makes piggyback-time more fun than the horses at the carousel. Dad can wash the dishes, clean the house, do the laundry, dust the room, chuck the woods, cook meals and rock our son to sleep on afternoon naps.

He still have time to make a perfect coffee in the morning and wake up as early as I am. I have notes posted on the wall or in the mirror if my son is taking meds. Before I left, there’s this never ending reminders about healthy meals, porridge is ideal, carrots are good, let him eat an apple a day or have him drink plenty of water. He seems to remember it all but end up forgetting one.

He’s the ultimate ‘time and mood saver’ when I get too tired to even put my son’s pajamas on or give his vitamins, he’s there to back me up all the time.

I couldn’t be more grateful to have such a supportive husband and dad to my son. It’s too much to say that he’s man enough to take his time, effort and pride to stay at home and watch our son grow up. He would tell me what our son did the whole day. It was like I’m around the whole time even when I’m out. He’s my eyes to watch over my son, when he stumble yet bravely stand without even a tear fall. He’s there when I need to have someone back me up when I blow up my mind because of the clatters and chaos of being in a state of hormonal imbalance.

‘When mum is out, Dad back me up!’

Our son knows our cues. Who’s in the mood for fun or who’s willing to sing him a lullaby. I know how time flies so fast and time isn’t enough to fill the gaps sometimes, but I am confident that I have a loving husband and my son’s dad to back me up when it’s time to teach him the ‘hows and whys’ while growing up.

Beyond understanding it is called sacrifice and unconditional love to take in-charge of a role that needs no experts but only pure and genuine love.

It is true that there’s nothing like ‘mama’s love’ but when dad step up, it’s more than anything that lasts.

Salute to all the back up Dads! You all rock!

In this modern set up where some women don’t need to stay at home to be called mum and/or wife, I began to appreciate and look at my own household .

My husband takes care of our three-year old while I’m out in the office. He had to give up his little business and take in-charge in nurturing our child. There were opportunities along with furniture upholstery and carpentry where he assist my father-in-law without taking so much time away from our son. We both decided the importance of taking care of our son while he’s young. We know what’s best for him more than anyone else.

While I’m a working-mum, he feeds him in the morning with milk, oatmeal and crackers. I wouldn’t be this confident to leave my three-year old everyday if it’s not because of my husband. We both know what to teach him and we both know the ‘hows and whys’ and the ‘yes and nos’ when he wants something or when he laughs, when he cries.

Dad understands my son’s language when I seem not to figure it out. Dad seems to ‘know it all’ when he dives deeper than just doing necessary things versus taking time to learn so he can do it carefully and lovingly.

I believe that no one can nurture a child better than the child’s parents. A parent’s love is pure and balanced perfectly. There were carriers and guardians who can do this job properly but not equally and perfectly as mum and dad does.

There was a time when my son was nearly six months old when I left my job to take care of him while my husband was the one in-charged in our finances. I never regret every single moment I watched my son fall asleep and wake up in the morning wearing his toothless smile.

I gave all my heart and time when he was turning one. When it was time for me to step out, Dad back me up…

He’s master in multitasking household chores and playing with our little one at the same time. He put in the clothes inside the dryer while there’s tiny little fingers wrapped around his neck. This kid is an orchid! He always want to be cuddled and carried by his dad.

There are times when I’m not in the mood to move around and our son turns to his dad. Mums do need to recharge sometimes. In times when I need to slow down, dad is there to keep things going. He makes piggyback-time more fun than the horses at the carousel. Dad can wash the dishes, clean the house, do the laundry, dust the room, chuck the woods, cook meals and rock our son to sleep on afternoon naps.

He still have time to make a perfect coffee in the morning and wake up as early as I am. I have notes posted on the wall or in the mirror if my son is taking meds. Before I left, there’s this never ending reminders about healthy meals, porridge is ideal, carrots are good, let him eat apples or have him drink plenty of water. He seems to remember it all but end up forgetting one.

He’s the ultimate ‘time and mood saver’ when I get too tired to even put my son’s pajamas on or give his vitamins, he’s there to back me up all the time.

I couldn’t be more grateful to have such a supportive husband and dad to my son. It’s too much to say that he’s man enough to take his time, effort and pride to stay at home and watch our son grow up. He would tell me what our son did the whole day. It was like I’m around the whole time even when I’m out. He’s my eyes to watch over my son, when he stumble yet bravely stand without even a tear fall. He’s there when I need to have someone back me up when I blow up my mind because of the clatters and chaos of being in a state of hormonal imbalance.

‘When mum is out, Dad back me up!’

Our son knows our cues. Who’s in the mood for fun or who’s willing to sing him a lullaby or might as well rock-a-bye. I know how time fly so fast and time isn’t enough to fill the gaps sometimes, but I am confident that I have a loving husband and my son’s dad to back me up when it’s time to teach him ‘hows and whys’ while growing up.

Beyond understanding it is called sacrifice and unconditional love to take in-charge of a role that needs no experts but only pure and genuine love.

It is true that there’s nothing like ‘mama’s love’ but when dad step up, it’s more than anything that lasts.

Salute to all the back up Dads! You all rock!

Pay Attention To Your Emotion

Have you ever tried to hide and ignore your emotion?

You show the world you look great wearing that smile but you are broke deep inside.

You say you are so blessed with these things you have but you suffer in your own insecurities and failed relationships to the people you love.

You tell the world ‘it’s me looking gorgeous on my heels or suit and tie but you’re so weak to stand with all the troubles in your life.

You say ‘hello’ but you need help deep inside.

I want you to think about it for a while. And maybe, just maybe I can help you talk about it instead of pretending or faking a smile.

People are crazy hungry with attention nowadays. Social media has made significant changes in our lives. It affects, not only our day-to-day routine but our emotion, impression, expression, and definition of emotions. How easily can we react on a post through these emoticons?

Attention seekers use social media to express what they feel, or just anything they want to say. Please don’t get me wrong when I say ‘attention seekers’, many will react angry face to me but let me put it this way: Why do you post on social media? Why you have to update this ‘My day’ thing?

My answer is that I want to get people’s attention, my friends specifically and tell them “hey this is what I feel today, this is my opinion, this is what I stand for, this is my taste on clothing, this is what I did last time, this is me expressing myself “.

And you get likes or different reactions, some will even share if you did a great job presenting an inspiring idea. It’s how I perceive it in social media. Attention.

Many people want to get attention. Period. Let’s live it to them- for better or for worse. It’s everyone’s responsibility to be cautious and sensitive in posting anything on social media. It tells a whole lot about yourself. So think about your intention before you post. Pay attention to your emotion, so it won’t drag you to the irony of unsolicited reactions, unnecessary comments, and sometimes misconception of the real story behind.

There are some who can fake what they really feel. Those who hide the ‘drama’ behind their outfit or the food they eat. Some people manifest to escape from reality through this kind of diversions in life, money, fame, abundant living, excellent talents, the places they’ve traveled where in fact, they’re stuck in the secret hideout of their emotions. It’s where they hide everything they feel bad about life – inside their mind and heart.

There’s no rule in Facebook saying ‘Don’t post your picture or video if you’re eating street food or you just saw a cockroach flying! There’s no silly things about your expression about something, only negative reactions from people who have negative perspectives in life. If you post ‘feeling unhappy’, you will get reactions mostly concerned why or how you feel, and a very concerned friend will send you a message or call you checking what happened.This is where I want to put the ‘attention seeker’ thing appropriately because you feel bad and you need to share it to your friends, it’s fine. You don’t look okay, go on, don’t give a damn. You pay attention to every detail of your emotion so you can properly assess it, and learn to accept that ‘you don’t have to look okay every day.

We pay attention to almost everything now. Regardless of our interest there’s something that will catch our attention when we check our phone, when we watch a movie, when we walk in the park or simply sit there and watch people come and go.

The problem is, you somehow try to hide your feelings and pretend to be okay even when you’re not. When was the last time you pay attention to your own feelings, to your frustration, to your guilt and to your disappointment? Are you afraid it might affect your daily activities if you bank into your emotion? Let that thoughts fade away. Give yourself a moment to pay attention to your emotion. How? Take a seat or have some time to be alone. You can call a friend or you can simply cry it out to the point that there’s no more tears left. If you don’t let it out for a moment, it will stay there until you have a compilation of your own library of frustrations,disappointments, and depression.

Why we end up being an actor and actress sometimes when we’re in trouble is that we somehow tend to express an image that ‘I am STRONG!’, ‘I CAN DO IT’, ‘I MOVED ON’, ‘I CAN HANDLE EVERYTHING’… Like, really? Did you just say you are Superman? or Superwoman? The truth is, you feel exactly different deep inside. You are ‘badtrip!’ as we usually call it. You feel incomplete because your age doesn’t compliment your achievements in life. Or you’re simply down because you fail many times, you feel everyday is a ritual, you hate the traffic, you wanted to break up with this feeling of emptiness, you are surrounded by your friends but you feel alone. You have money but why are you unhappy? You feel jealous to those who are succeeding in their chosen path, You still want more even though you had enough…

You’re sad, it’s fine! You’re broke it’s fine! You’re ashamed, it’s fine! You’re disappointed, it’s fine! You’re depressed without knowing the reason why, it’s fine! You keep all these feelings to yourself, NO it’s Not Fine! Cry it out! Pay attention to yourself, to your emotion.. so people will catch up what’s going on to your life. even though people have their own plates to handle, we tend to empathize to those who are in need., it’s our nature to help even though we need help as well. Just don’t hide those feelings. If you’re afraid it might ruin your day. Guess what? You are totally ruined inside yourself making all the effort to hide and deny it. Let your friends know your thoughts. SHOUT IT OUT!. Pay attention so they pay attention to you, too.

I would like to quote Band Perry’s song If I Die Young that goes like this…”so maybe then you’ll hear the words I’ve been singing, funny when you’re dead how people starts listening”…

Make people listen to what you say when you still have time and chance to do it. Pay attention and get attention when you feel down before it’s too late. Reach out and we’ll talk about it over a cup of coffee and a perfect view of sunset.

More Than a Parent- You Need to be a Brave One

‘I should have known better but I need help, a professional help for my son’

-By Cecille De Guzman

My son is a three-year old. Can hardly address the word ‘Mama’ to me but he babbles the syllables like Papapa, ‘mama’ when he’s hurt, ‘tah-tah-tah’, ‘dah-dah’,’tutuh’, ‘Aytih’, ‘pa-pii’ when he’s referring to a milk in a bottle. He sings on top of his lungs whenever he grabs a microphone , singing his version as ‘Bway-yay tah-aayy Waay-ayy bwa-ya-yay Pih… and there he goes, no one can get the mic from him anymore. In our room, he would hum seriously as ‘haaaaaaah-haaaa!’‘haaaah-haaaa! Prolonging the first ‘Haaaa’ consistently and playing with the car’s wheels back and forth while he lie down. He grabs a specific magazine where he points out same pictures of churches and chapels. He is a brilliant child and I’m so proud of his milestones. He communicates with gestures and shouting sometimes but show affection like how we showed love to him. He’s keen into playing wheels or anything round but he enjoys playing with other kids, running and laughing cheerfully. He can socialize and share what he has like food but there’s seldom times he would get someone else’s toys or food which we are highly concerned of. Most of the time he would behave quietly inside the church but there are times he wants to run around and greet others with smile so we end up attending meetings outside.

Truly we enjoy his gestures and babbles most of the time but there’s a mother’s heart in me, hoping and longing for the time he would be able to talk straight and sing upbeat songs. He’s a three-year old yet he can’t even say a sentence or even a phrase. 
People say ‘it’s okay, he’ll get through it’, there are kids like him but he’ll manage to develop the skills’. I ask myself ‘what if he needed some help?’ A professional help that could make these things easy for him. So I decided, it’s time. Now is the right time to consult a specialist.

I am a mother and a mother who knows best! There’s ignorant ones who has no courage to dig deeper, too afraid to stand up and do what they feel best for their kid and just settle with what people say around them. Children are different from one another. My kid might have a special need that others develop easily. Your kid might be a fast learner but another kid take more time to fully understand what’s going on. The truth is, they’re unique and they are small individual with different approach needed.

It takes courage to step out and ask experts ‘what’s going on with my child?’ Why can’t he talk like others on the same age?’ As much as fear, it’s being brave enough not to settle for less when you have a kid. I need help to understand him. I need a professional to assess and help him get through this stage of being – delayed in speech. I should have known better but I need help, I need professional help for my son’.

He was two-months old when he was diagnosed of Laryngomalacia, a cognitive impairment in his larynx that is not yet fully developed when he was born. It caused him to breathe hardly, feeding problems and even Pneumonia at an early age. We spent almost a month in the first hospital and just 3 days after he was discharged we had him confined 3 more days on a different hospital where he was dosed asleep for almost 24 hours for endoscope. It was the crucial time for me and my husband seeing our first born and only son suffer in the hospitals with needles, x-rays, endoscope and anesthesia injected to him. It wasn’t easy but I know he needed it during that time.

It’s not easy to be a brave one. A parent should be brave enough for their young ones. Why would you take risk to leave it with time or destiny if your son, your daughter needs an immediate help right NOW? I wanted to slap myself for waiting for two years to act on this. I was traumatized and I was too afraid we had no means to help him. Now, I’ve decided. I’ve finally decided no matter what it takes. Because, if not now, then when is the right time?

I understand it needs enough courage to deal with sets of therapy and consultation every now and then. I need to be a brave one to carry all these as I see my child improve with milestones I’d been longing since we’re expecting him.

I’m lucky to be a parent nowadays where help can be searched in an accessible manner. A professional help is never a burden or negative notion like how it used to be. Nowadays, we should be more aware, more observant and more brave in dealing things with our kids. Both behavioral and medical aspect should be observed cautiously because no one knows your child better – than you, as parent or guardian.

Listen to your ‘parent-instinct’ not ‘others-instinct’ or the people around who are trying hard experts or know-it-all, ‘been here done that’ stories. Previous experiences, old beliefs aren’t the best solution sometimes. Superstitions have no way evidently cured or help a child who’s suffering from illness or developmental delays.

As a parent, listen to your child’s needs. Above all, leave it all to Him who paves the way for a healthy living and a peaceful mind to all parents.

More than just being a parent, be a brave one with a heart. 💗

Smart Choices, Dealt Changes – Meet your Future Self

What kind of life you want for your future-self is what you’re trying to build in the present.

How to make a smart choice today depends on how smart you know your future-self wants and needs. How to deal with changes relies on how prepared you are when you made a choice. Advance thinking may help but flexibility can support your choices. It is important to be ready for the outcome when you’re making tough decisions. Regardless of the amount of time you spent thinking about what could happen after choosing, you’ll cope properly if you’re flexible enough to take risks and deal with changes .
If I ever find myself stuck in between choices, this or that, I leave them both to think which one really matters to me. Departing yourself from the options give enough opportunity to realize what good or bad would it bring.I think about the pros and cons then I come back choosing what I think will work best for me. I can think about possible outcome and be ready for it but who knows what’s going to happen so – JUST BE READY FOR IT.
Be PREPARED.
Be prepared to fail, not because you are incompetent but because you are confident to face winning or losing.
Be prepared to venture because life is a roller coaster of bargaining what you really need versus what you want. Be smart enough to choose what’s practical than spectacular.
I know what I want and what I need. I have a clear vision what kind of life I want in the future but I can’t control the circumstances so I have to shift in between options available and what’s laid on my table. All I can do is to make the right choice but who knows if I’m choosing the smart choice before it happens? Nobody is as smart as you are when you make your own choice. NOBODY knows why you choose it in the first place because nobody knows your capabilities but – ONLY YOU.
If it doesn’t work for me, then I have to find my way out or ‘adjust to make it work out’. Life is as simple as, making your own choice, adjustment and coping with constant change.
Dealing with the crossroads you encounter in life everyday is like answering the same question over and over again. You know your answer because you know exactly what you want to happen, how you want it to happen and you’re READY whatever is going to happen. It’s being consistent to your goal. It’s not a crossroads after all. Know your direction and where you want to go. Then, you’ll find out you’ve made a smart choice because you dealt changes accordingly and intelligently.
Why bother with confusion if you know exactly where you want to go? What kind of life you want to live? Unless you haven’t tried seeing your future-self before, you know exactly what kind of life you are dreaming since you were a kid or since you realize it’s time for you to plan for the future. Have you tried meeting your future self yet?
Foreseeing is the first step to learn if you’re caught in between options. Make a smart choice by determining what and how you want to become someday.
Things are just laid on your table for you to make choices. A smart choice should be guided by how you see your future self. Make the most out of the things you have rather than looking for the things that you don’t .
Focus on things aligned to your goal rather than confusion brought by too much wanting for everything. You can’t have everything but you can choose to have something. Little by little, you see yourself making the right decisions , smart choices because you’re ready to deal with changes to meet the future self you’ve always wanted to become.
Happy choosing and dealing with things!💗💗💗

By Then_ How do I see myself at fifty?

At fifty, I want to live life like a retired person should be. By then, I can do things I can’t freely do while working on weekdays from six to three. I’ll write books about memoirs, fiction and nonfiction, poetry and other literary works I used to write when I was young. I’ll create home decors out of my own creativity to design our rooms, kitchen and living room. It should be made of nature friendly materials with artistic touch of elegance. I want a small house with a terrace and an overlooking view to green and gold rice fields, mountains and trees complimenting the sky. (Don’t mind how small the terrace but I need it where I can spend mornings and sunsets over a cup of coffee while chatting with my husband or simply typing on my laptop.

By then, I’ll be more environmentally-involved. Planting trees shouldn’t be an old thing. I’ll water the vegetable garden, pick some fresh flowers from the front yard to put it on our dining table, cook simple meals for my family, plan for short and long trips at least twice a year, do the laundry and dry it under the sun, name our pet dogs Bobby and Dylan or my son can decide by then. 
By then, I should be more health conscious, still can play badminton on weekends or a day hike nearby mountains. (If my joints can bear to run for kilometers or if I don’t shiver in cold early morning jogs with my husband. 
Finances shouldn’t be an issue because budgeting can help me with priority list all the time. After all it should be a simple yet well spent quality time at home. I’ll receive a monthly pension from my social security and insurance but will work on additional income from my ‘No-bake Cakes’ homemade’s business (I know it can be tricky at times but I’ll do it with passion and love. Overnight oats are healthy to eat on breakfasts especially if it’s topped with fresh fruits and nuts. Fried rice and leftover menus can be sumptuous for brunch sometimes. 
I want a simple life at my own home with a family of my own. We’ll go to church almost everyday and fulfill church duties wholeheartedly. My life should not end but begin by then. At fifty, everything should be stable. As simple as having simultaneous dinners at my house or at big bro’s. 
‘Life shouldn’t be as hard as it gets. It should be as gentle and simple as we grow old and appreciate to live.‘ Start your future by making plans. Set your own timeline as early as NOW. Take actions not just words. 
Above all, pray for your goals to happen- By then. 💗

Why Do We Have to Wear Mask?

Daily Thoughts

How do you feel today? Do you worry about something?Are you afraid you will fail to achieve good results on your decision made?

Each one of us has our own natural capability to handle day to day stress. Depending how we balance things that are affecting our mood or actions, we tend to make things seem to be better even though it’s not.

Why do we have to wear mask sometimes? Are we performing in a stage where audience expect us to be amazing? Sometimes it is the sad truth about the world we live in. Expectations from people around us is too much to handle. The hardest thing is that ourselves becomes the number one judge of our own actions, our accomplishments, our efforts, our talents and our whole being.

Tell me, when was the last time you look in a mirror and saw yourself stunning as ever? When was the last time you tell yourself ‘you’re beautiful or handsome, have you told yourself you did a great job? There are other people we know who doesn’t have this issue so let’s set them aside first.

There are people who wear mask because they want to look good to other people, they hide the ‘Real Me’ inside them because in their own standards – it’s not meeting expectations. Is anybody here wearing mask to hide the imperfections, to hide problems they have, to hide the failures they get multiple times, to hide their guilt and their feelings?

I don’t get it when people say ‘we don’t live in a perfect world’ but all efforts done to achieve perfection. Why do we need to put on concealers? Why some works out to achieve a perfect body fit? Why learning doesn’t stop when you graduate in school? Why do we have to master each piece of music or art so it will sound or look excellent to the audience? Why as parent’s we keep on striving hard to give the best to our child? Why at the end of the day you will ask yourself ‘ what good have I done in my life so far?’

It is the reality of the world we live in today? People have to wear mask to cover what seems to be imperfect for them and to others.

Worrying about judgement from the people surrounding us is the outcome of us not believing in ourselves and us not appreciating our beauty, talent, effort and our unique qualities regardless if it’s something unusual to others.

The problem is, we tend to wear mask of perfection to hide to real situation of our life at the moment. We tend to go with the ‘trend’. What’s in today is being thin or skinny or cheeky type or cool fashion statement, or delicious recipes to cook or travel or cool sports…What else? How about your ‘own kind of trend? Have you forget that presenting yourself nice and pretty and blessed seems to be awkward sometimes because not everyday is ‘your day’? People wear this mask of being someone else, being not who they really are… because they’re afraid that the society will feel pity for them, that it won’t look nice to others.

How we become possessed of the ‘perfect trend’ we want to be? Is your own way not enough to tell the world it’s you, your own idea (regardless if it’s good or bad)? Is your situation in life right now seems to be embarrassing that you don’ like to share it to a friend or colleague? What if, the very situation you have right now, regardless how difficult or embarrassing it maybe, is something that can get awareness to other people who are also struggling with that kind of problem? What if, your insecurities is something that many people suffer when they woke up in the morning feeling ugly and fat or looking like a broomstick?

I wanted to emphasize that our feelings and our thoughts are very important to help one another. When we get ourselves talking about our failures, frustration, insecurities, loneliness and even bad experiences, we don’t know how big difference it is to other people listening to your thoughts. You can make a difference through your unique way of presenting yourself. Do not be afraid to take off those mask! Start telling yourself that ‘you are one of a kind’! Take off those mask and express what you really feel or where you at the down side of your life. You might get someone to listen and find the best solution to your problem. Don’t keep it to yourself. Don’t hide it. Show yourself to the world. Forget about what people say.

The most important feedback you will hear is coming from your own lips. The best compliment you will see is when you look at the mirror and say ‘Hi gorgeous, you look great today!’

You are a Mum, a Superhero in Disguise

By Cecille De Guzman

‘It’s a privilege and a challenge at the same time.’

I can’t say this in general but rather personal thoughts that can be agreed by many. I’m writing this piece while thinking about a commercial on tv for a chocolate drink. It’s a scenario of a mum who gives all effort to let her son enjoy his childhood. She makes him carton aircraft, they ride a three wheeler together and fly like superman with the red cape she made with her bare hands. It was truly inspiring, relating and heartfelt!

For me, it’s a privilege and a challenge at the same time. I often say this, being a mum is a rewarding role. A reward you get for all efforts and unconditional love you give to your child.

Only my son can tell if I’ve done a great job but mums don’t expect rewards or praises or even special awards, she simply gives all her heart. When you’re a mum, it’s more than getting a perfect score or exceeding expectations. It is giving only the best. ‘Nothing more, nothing less, only the best that you can give.’

In the middle of deep thoughts like this, my son would distract me but it’s the sweetest distraction I ever get while he’s little. His tiny little fingers tickling on my arms or neck when he wants something. I cherish each day while he’s a little boy. His hugs and kisses never fail to fulfill my heart with so much joy. So much about being his mum, I wanted to be his superhero, too – to pamper him when he’s sick, to ease the pain when he’s hurt and to cheer him up if he feels bad. This is the best role I got in my entire life. A superhero who never gets tired because his laughter recharges my system after a long day at work.

I make small things a huge celebration of fun and time well-spent in his childhood memories. I make toothbrush time like musical and dance play every night just to keep him entertained. I make him appreciate and enjoy the food he eats (of course it’s not always a win win situation here). He gets bored sometimes so I let him eat chocolate ice cream even he had colds. I let him play with water and run around. I let him play outside provided that the gate is closed. I let him get dirty hands, snotty nose and messy hair in the morning. Afternoon naps meant swaying him in my arms or his Dada’s rocking until he fall asleep. In the evening he would love to wear his pair of Mickey mouse pajamas and wear socks, too. I let him scroll magazines, books and picture albums. I let him hold pen and crayons but it ends up a bad move because the newly paint room turn into a rainbow horizon, vandalized by my own beloved son!
I let him eat on his own especially when I found out he love his mashed veggies and fruit popsicles in his mashblox. I love to see him being totally independent but there are times he wants to be fed like I used to do when he’s just months old.  He loves vitamins and doesn’t resist taking meds so it’s a win win spot for me. I let him decide where to put his toys but usually it’s just neatly scattered on the floor. Looking at my husband’s eyes like what the hell happened in this room? I would cover my mouth when I sneeze and he would pretend sneezing, too and we’ll laugh out loud like what’s so funny? I love these moments. Mum duties is such fulfilling in every little way. I decided to write about this because I know there are mums out there who can share the same sentiments. I know how hard it is to become a mum but we know better than complaining, right? It’s worth the pain. It’s worth celebrating and remembering every quiet moments of your life ( which means they’re busy playing or sleeping). My son would read it one day and felt that he was so much loved and be loved as long as I live.

Don’t be fooled by this sweet thoughts and words of mine. A mother is not always a cheerleader or a sweet angel. Sometimes, she can turn into a tiger, too. I personally admit that I am a disciplinarian rather than raising an unruly child. I raise my voice occasionally and I slap his palm when he’d done something unacceptable. Only my son understands when my eyeballs seem to get out because he’s being completely noisy and fussy in a solemn crowd. Only my son understand my little tight grip on his arm while wearing a calm face because he wants to move around and the event haven’t even started. Trust me, a mother can transform into a dragon letting out a fire when pushed to the limits but only her child understands how it happens. Before I even forgot that I am a mother and a superhero in my son’s eyes, I let out a deep sigh and say ‘Go get out and come back after I cool down!’ Yeah, Can you imagine, I still manage to talk to him in English even I’m out of my league? Then he would turn his back and take one more sight, smile and wave goodbye to me saying ‘Baa, baah’’ in a sweet little low voice. I’ll grab and hug him tight with tickles and kisses and feel sorry for myself because, there, I lose again.

I don’t get a writer’s block when I’m talking about my son. Pouring out my thoughts like a deep well with overflowing water – full of wishes, full of love and full of hopes and dreams and care. After all, being a mum is the most fulfilling role I ever had. There are times when I talk to him eye to eye when I say something very important and serious, teaching him what’s the right thing he could have done or telling him he can do it right next time. My son would listen and not even wink his eyes when I’m saying something. Moments I treasure a lot because it felt so good being an instrument to mold someone’s moral values while I’m learning a lot about parents’ life.

No one can judge you being good or bad but only your child.They know better than judging because they understand how hard you tried to keep them safe from harm or to raise them as a fine grown up one. Only your child can see all your efforts of sleeping late at night and waking up super early in the morning and play up and down slides on your knees.Sometimes, sleeping is just an imaginary thing when you are a parent.There are times you think, does sleeping parents really exist?Then you tell yourself It’s a joke!A really big joke for others! Only your child knows how you can prepare a delicious mashed pumpkin and spinach when it tastes nothing but bittersweet for others. Only your child appreciates the storytelling, drawing, singing and dancing together until you all lie down in bed and say goodnight but he remains awake because he pleases to turn the lights on. ‘Dear, just turn the lights on so we get down to rest and have some peace!’. Haha! ‘I win’. Said the little fellow lying beside you. ‘Go to sleep!!!’

Only in your child’s eyes show your hidden powers that no one ever realized.You are a mum, a superhero in disguise.

The Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

How to Get Out of Bad Debts

Daily Thoughts

Why we end up locked up in chain with debts from left to right?
Is it getting out of control that all you have to do is to pay your loans and renew it higher amount?

Do you wish to get out of this dilemma in your life because it’s giving you nights of no sleep?

Then let me show you how it ended up to what I call ‘bad debts’. Truly there’s no other reason to justify a ‘good debt’ 
than a life and death situation. Many will raise their eyebrows to what I just said but I will stand for it.

When you have family member in the hospital or some inevitable thing happened and you don’t have funds on your bank account or simply you don’t have a bank account at all. You end up with loans to the extent that you yourself don’t know if you’re able to pay it right. It’s what I call adrenaline rush of raising funds to save someone’s life or you need it very urgent for medical operation expenses or death somehow. That’s what I validate the money you barrow from the bank, friends or relatives can be called the kind of ‘good debt’ because out of thinking your own motivation is to produce the amount that’s needed at the very moment.

When I say ‘bad debts’ it is the irresponsible way of having debts, one after another to fulfill not necessarily needed expense. Like preparing for a Feast, celebrate birthday party bountifully, sesh with friends and act like you own the resto or the bar when you drink all day all night. Nah! That’s not being a ‘wise man’ buddy. Spending too much is really a bad thing. So when you get in ‘bad debts’ with reason like this? It’s a double murder thing!

How to get out of these ‘bad debts’ is simply knowing your ‘wants vs. needs’. Yes you are the bread winner at home. You end up just getting payroll and paying debts and get another loan. In the first place, what makes it not ENOUGH when you know exactly how much your payslip shows? What makes it insufficient funds when you know exactly how much you earn monthly but don’t know the right way of budgeting?Here we can talk about step by step process how ‘my budgeting 101’ skills made me step away from debts little by little. (All my writings will be available on ebook soon on my website launch)

Then you have to think why you have higher pay this cut off but it’s still not enough to pay bills, buy this and buy that. You get lower pay and you’re able to manage things to buy and pay that. Surely it’s not how much your earnings but how you properly manage you expenses. How budgeting affects our everyday life and turns out you’re trap in to the ‘bad debts’ chain?

How saving can help you from bad debts. It’s not having to save in a bank because I tell you what “that is truly impossible to get your ‘savings’ account when you are what you tag yourself as ‘isang-kahig-isang-tuka’ kind of employee. Many people struggle to keep an amount stock in the bank when budgeting becomes a challenge.

The truth is this, SAVING is the act of making adjustments, finding ways on how you can save a little from something!(that’s my own definition about what I am trying to point out now. I wanted to emphasize that ‘makaipon’ and ‘makatipid’ are two different things but compliments to each other. Here I am talking about ‘paano maka-TIPID’. When you challenge yourself saving, you have to cut those unnecessary expenses like instead of taking a cab to a half kilometer distance why not jut take a walk at the nearby park close to the building? Instead of having to buy your sandwich at the convenience store why not pack your left overs from the fridge or eat a full breakfast before going to the office or school? Instead of getting a car loan it’s better to commute for now when your salary is just right to have extra 2-3 thou each pay. Instead of ‘getting installment plans (which I don’t see as a bad thing, unless it’s the only preference for you to buy your dream gadget or kind of vacation -that kind of thing called ‘lifestyle’) The thing here is what we fail to recognize the advantage of saving so you won’t get in to trouble with bad debts at the end of the day because you fail to settle on your due dates. You were sick and it’s no work no pay, or simply because you don’t feel to go to work for a week or so (trust me,it happens!) then what happened? You end up having ‘bad debts’.

Literally ‘SAVING’ can save you from ‘bad debts’! I know we know exactly how we can save on each little things we do everyday but it’s so hard for us to resist the wants and needs kind a thing. It’s hard for us to differ if we really have to buy this to our child because we re concerned they might be left behind. It’s hard to say ‘no’ when someone offers you the limited edition of your favorite product and you promise to yourself you will just ‘save’ on other things but end up unable to resist to try a good food on your favorite resto after work.

You know exactly what will happen next, right? Bad debts because you lose control on something you must have carefully manage if you were able to cease fire on your ‘wants’ instinct. Having to try your first step on how to get savings on everything you do or buy to yourself is really simple. Know first what are those things you can and can’t leave without. Are they something you can categorize as ‘wants’ or ‘needs’? Is this something you can start today or maybe before you go to bed? Never ever deprive yourself or family’s basic needs when you’re trying to save. Otherwise you will end up on the negative effect of it. When it comes to you and your family’s ‘needs’ don’t think twice, just identify if this is really something relevant or is it just a throw away later thing.

The moment you think about ‘debt’, think about your own capability if you will be able to pay it at the right time.Don’t count chicks in eggs’ as the old saying goes. We can’t escape the fact that ‘nobody owes nothing’. Everyone has they’re own kind of ‘debt’ good or bad it can be, rich or poor they’re maybe. We end up into this very simple reminder about ‘debt’ – ‘do not even pretend to forget it’ because you know exactly when and how much you barrow. If it end up too much and you just woke up one morning that your loans are past due, the phone is ringing about bill payments and installments. Just breathe and START your own plan of how to save so you have little extra to pay for it. I’m not telling you that saving will settle your debts, I’m telling you precautionary measures how to avoid it. Prevention is better than cure. If you’re in this kind of situation right now, let saving do a little help as you go along the way. Because when you save little by little, you’ll wake up one day having a lifestyle of a wise spender and not a one day millionaire.

Opportunities when available, we’ll grab it. It’s no one’s fault that you are in debt but yourself alone. It’s never the person you’ve borrowed money’s fault ever! You we’re able to get what you ask, exact amount in good faith that you will give it back in terms but when you fail to analyze that your finances becomes worst and hard to pay? That’s the effect of impulsive and irresponsible way of getting debts.

Tell me how do you manage your day to day life and see if there’s any single opportunity we can make it better for you! (Not the financial matter but the process of solution discovery).

We’ll ‘taylor-fit’ solutions just exactly what’s best for you. No other person can ever solve your own problem but you, you just need a little help from someone to lay things in front of you and present options coming from your own realization. This is how it really works now, you need a reminder, a listener and most importantly you need yourself to get all these DONE.

Start finding ways how you can ‘save now’ and get out of ‘bad debts’ like forever…